The Neurotic Wanderer

I think that this meant something slightly different than it did maybe say....six months ago? Now when I plan my hike, I do so to minimize my likely hood of running into other people and bringing my mask, in addition to all the other safety things I usually bring with me.  And while I know that the likelihood of becoming infected with COVID 19 while recreating in the outdoors is probably pretty low, I would rather be safe than sorry, hence the mask and appropriate social distancing. I try and pick trail in which there are little to no people, pick a time a day in which there are little to no people, or where I can easily move far enough off trail to minimize contact. For the times that I cannot do those things I bring my mask so I can quickly cover my mouth and nose. I am lucky enough to have several cloth masks that I rotate between, I don't feel bad about using mask only for this purpose before washing and disinfecting.  So in addition to thos...

I never thought that I would be an only child. And it still feels like a weird thing to say, as if I am erasing my brother. But the reality is that I am the only living child my mother has left. And that is a monumental responsibility. One that has weighed on me, both in my hiking endeavors as well as my profession. My mom doesn't put that pressure on me, I think it is something that I put on myself, but the thought is always there. I was never particularly a fearless person, but I have noticed more and more recently and I am just more fearful when I am outdoors. The most recent example is my attempt to winter hike the Grand Canyon last week.  I greatly under estimated the ice and for sure wasn't prepared enough but I had a near melt down at the thought of slipping on ice and falling to my doom. I for sure don't fear death, as it is but the next great adventure. But before, I knew that my brother was here and that he would take care of everyone in by absence. I realize ho...

Hanging Gardens (No Official Trail) I really tend to be a creature of habit. I often struggle to go outside of my comfort zone (part of that is fear which I will touch on in a later post). However, I know that variety is the spice to life so to speak and I'm grateful to have friends who challenge me to try new things. With that being said, I have create a list of trails that I would like to try this year, in addition to the trails I have found to be tried and true. New To Me Trails: Camelback Mountain (which I was lucky enough to complete with the family already) Wave Cave Trail- Superstition Mountains Hieroglyphic Trail- Superstition Wilderness Seven Falls Trail- Sabino Canyon Recreation Area Lava River Cave- Coconino National Forest Kendrick Mountain Southside Trail- Kendrick Mountain Wilderness Picacho Peak- Picacho Peak State Park Passage 1 of AZ Trail: Huachuca Mountains A lot of the trails mentioned I actually took from the 52 Hike Challenge Guide, so sho...

So my two preferred methods of outdoor recreation are hiking and running. I do dabble in other things like leisurely bike rides with my family or playing basketball at the local park, but they aren't my normal go-to activities. I have been working quite a bit lately, but I have been trying to make time to be present in the outdoors. I just don't do well with self motivation, so I really have to set up accountability measures and tangible goals. For example, I recently reconnected with an old work friend. We would text periodically but hadn't really hung out in ages. So we decided to meet up for dinner one night and ended up creating these weekly hiking meet ups with each other. And while we don't make them every week, because life, we have been able to do a few hikes so far this year. Its been really nice to be able to talk and motivate each other in both our physical goals as well as personal goals. It has also been nice to share my struggle with finding healing and ...

A few weeks back I had the opportunity to hike to Vultee Arch in the Red Rock Secret Mountain Wilderness and it was one of the more magical hikes of that week. It's a trail that doesn't see too  many people since it's either a bit difficult to drive to or it can be a bit strenuous with significant elevation change, depending the side you come in from. My work rig is a 4x4 Rubicon, so I was able to pop in through the rough dirt road. The hike itself was short but well worth it. The colors this time of year have really been showing off and the morning was crisp and cool. I honestly couldn't have asked for a better day. Of course there was the customary baby diaper and oddly an old deflated balloon that got caught in the trees as well as some minor graffiti, but all in all, not too bad. I felt incredibly grateful. As I was hiking, I couldn't help but think of what a weird concept hiking actually is. We are all just wandering around out there with food and water, and ...

I've done three solo hikes since I've last written about hiking. My funk had not really cleared but I was starting to feel some physical effects of not being outside and active. Unofficially, I believe that I have a severe vitamin D deficiency, which manifests itself pretty severely if I don't go outside or take supplements. So for my first hike, I forwent the sunscreen for about 15 minutes and didn't wear a hat. I went alone, in part because I went during the day when most of my friends are working, but also to be able to just sit there and feel my feelings. There was hardly anyone on the trail and the sun was shinning and for the first time in a little while I didn't completely hate everything. I took a resistance band and did some arm exercises in an effort to tire myself out as much as possible. I was only out for about an hour and a half, but it was enough to remind me that outdoor is where I belong. I love being a couch potato and playing video games until my ...

My first two hikes of this year (trail details below) have been completed with my mother. Most of the time, I am the type of hiker that is obsessed with metrics, meticulously keeping track of my miles, choosing hikes that are only 4 miles or more, how fast I complete those miles and what my elevation gain is. I am a "eye on the prize" type of person, racing my way through trail to achieve the best times. That being said, I really do appreciate hiking with my mom. She hikes at a much slower pace than I do and takes many more breaks. Hiking with her means I readjust my technique and really get to appreciate my surroundings. Even if it is a hike I regularly do, it is nice to just slow down and be in awe. She is also a real trooper in that she is willing to try new hikes that are out of her comfort zone. It's also nice to be able to spend that quality time with my mom. We see each other every day, but we don't often get to have longer, in-depth talks. When we are out on...

Setting challenges and creating benchmarks, utilizing metrics is just a part of who I am, that “Type A” personality. Being able to analyze metrics is something that legitimately brings me joy. But I have found a balance between utilizing metrics and setting unrealistic expectations. With that being said, I have set up what I believe to be some realistic expectations for this year. Blogging My brother tried to use his blog as both a method to cope with his anxiety and depression, and he was able to make some really great connections that way. People he would have otherwise been able to meet. I would like to try and carry on that legacy my bringing awareness to mental health issues and document my own healing through outdoor activity. Live a More Cruelty Free Lifestyle While I’m not ready to go entirely vegetarian, I would like to go meatless at least three days a week. I am still working on being able to give up cheese and sour cream. But I think that this is a good star...

I can officially say that I lost who I once was.   There are some vestiges of who I once was left, i.e. my uncomfortableness at being in large crowds and my love for the outdoors, but overall I am different. If you are here, you are about to witness my journey back to feeling and to a place of healing. I realize how hokey that sounds, but if you have ever suffered loss, then you understand. My brother died by mental health issues. The amount of guilt, self-loathing and anger I feel, for both the world and myself, is all encompassing. Where I had hope, I am now left with feelings of loss and emptiness. I am surrounded by an abundance of love and support, however it is but a small salve for a gaping wound. My initial intentions for this blog were to really highlight hiking, exploration and adventure, and while that will still be a large part of what I post, the purpose behind it all is different. I will also likely include things that I find help me during this process, what...

I have had the great opportunity to meet a fellow runner at my new job. I don't have many friends who run (and the few that I do have, also have busy lives so it's hard to connect), so it's nice to be able to discuss the ins and outs of races and running logistics. She invited me to run with her and her group called the "Back of the Pack", who's ages range from mid-40s to early 90's. Hearing about their stories and accomplished races really inspired me to get back into it ( I haven't run consistently for about a year and a half). But it also really made me reflect on the runner stereotype as well as the hiker stereotype. I think that when most people hear, runner or hiker, certain stereotypes come to mind: weight (thin but not too thin), peppy, rock all the high quality brands, be within a certain age range and even a specific skin color. Two bloggers that I think who both state these perspectives quite well are Carrot Quinn ( here ) and Vanessa ( here...

Was a huge success!     This was hike #25 of my 52 Hike Challenge  and I'm so glad that it was. I first attempted Mt. Humphrey's about two months ago and it was a bit of a disaster (more on that experience later). I hadn't done a hike that week and I could feel my moodiness returning to me, so I decided last minute to try this hike again. I did some research to better understand the hike and how best to prepare (last time I relied on the information of the other people in my group, which was a big mistake). My first attempt of the hike gave me some insight as to how the first, and easiest, leg of the hike was going to be, so I knew I just needed a bigger picture. View from "the saddle"     In my research I found that there were several "false peaks", meaning that you would look at a peak and think it was THE peak, only to get there and see more peaks beyond that. I would say that there were 4 to 5 of them in the last mile of the hike. That for...

    So, after the fiasco of my last hike, I knew that I had to get right back out there and work it out. Mend the relationship after an argument, so to speak. I've still been in a pretty bad head space and I can honestly say that I cried for like a solid mile out there, but the hike itself did what it needed to do. I felt better afterward and felt like I had created a plan to get me through my problems. It felt good to find a trail that was fairly challenging and required me to just focus the task at hand. Before I knew, my shoulders were no longer up near my ears, my face became less of a scowl and more at rest and my mind felt less restless. It felt good to be doing something where I had to push my body.     This was a hike that was 75% unfamiliar to me. I had hiked part of this trail before with my dog, so I knew the basics of the terrain. However, I went on a day where the day prior we had had some monumental monsoon storms, so I wasn't exactly sure what I ...

    I never really thought it was possible to have a bad hike...until a few days ago. I decided to take a hike after I got out of work. It was a hike that I was fairly familiar with, so I didn't really feel the need to look too much into it before heading out. My first mistake was opting to go the opposite way that I usually go. I thought that changing it up might be good. It was a hot, humid day, and I was already starting off in not a great head space ( I don't consider this depression as it is not often something I endure). But hiking is usually the best cure for that. After the first mile, all thoughts of the technical aspect of the trail are gone and I start to focus on the five senses, and I just find that I have a great appreciation for everything. Hiking is truly a meditative experience.      However, on this day, I just couldn't reach my meditative space. The section of the trail that I chose first, paralleled the busy road, so all I heard was the rush...