The Neurotic Wanderer

I can officially say that I lost who I once was.   There are some vestiges of who I once was left, i.e. my uncomfortableness at being in large crowds and my love for the outdoors, but overall I am different. If you are here, you are about to witness my journey back to feeling and to a place of healing. I realize how hokey that sounds, but if you have ever suffered loss, then you understand. My brother died by mental health issues. The amount of guilt, self-loathing and anger I feel, for both the world and myself, is all encompassing. Where I had hope, I am now left with feelings of loss and emptiness. I am surrounded by an abundance of love and support, however it is but a small salve for a gaping wound. My initial intentions for this blog were to really highlight hiking, exploration and adventure, and while that will still be a large part of what I post, the purpose behind it all is different. I will also likely include things that I find help me during this process, what...

So fast forward to hike 22 and I've had some really great adventures. I solo hiked the Grand Canyon, explored more of what my area has to offer and hiked with some new friends. I'm so awkward that I didn't even think I was capable of making new friends, let alone go hiking and camping with them, but I have surprised even myself. I have learned a lot along the way and made some pretty drastic changes. I feel more confident in my physical abilities, despite being at a heavier weight that I had hoped for at this point in the year. I recently went on a 15 mile hike and while everyone else struggled up the mountain, my legs felt eager to keep moving. It really gave me the burst of confidence that I needed and I really feel like for once I appreciate the size of my legs. I've also done some really deep self reflection. I graduated with a Bachelors of Science in Ecology seven years ago. I have done NOTHING with that, to my utter shame. I was laid off from my corporate job ...