The Neurotic Wanderer

Angry. Heartbroken. Lost. I am not really even sure who I am anymore. How do I go back to "normal" when so much has been lost? Do I even want the same things I wanted before? I feel as though I am just going through the motions so that my family and friends don't worry as much. I feel as though my calling has changed, but I am unsure how to answer it. Do I even have the strength to redefine myself? I know what Manuel would say, but I am for sure not the same person I was before. What I do know, is that I still don't like being around people for extended periods of time. I have very little patience for people in general. I feel marginally better when I am out doors, when I can force myself to actually leave the house. I enjoy sitting still. I like being around animals. But where does that leave me? I would just like to shut myself in. But people, society, expect something different. I am not lazy, I am just unmotivated. What is the meaning of anything anymore. MC

    I never really thought it was possible to have a bad hike...until a few days ago. I decided to take a hike after I got out of work. It was a hike that I was fairly familiar with, so I didn't really feel the need to look too much into it before heading out. My first mistake was opting to go the opposite way that I usually go. I thought that changing it up might be good. It was a hot, humid day, and I was already starting off in not a great head space ( I don't consider this depression as it is not often something I endure). But hiking is usually the best cure for that. After the first mile, all thoughts of the technical aspect of the trail are gone and I start to focus on the five senses, and I just find that I have a great appreciation for everything. Hiking is truly a meditative experience.      However, on this day, I just couldn't reach my meditative space. The section of the trail that I chose first, paralleled the busy road, so all I heard was the rush...