Day 78

I can officially say that I lost who I once was.  There are some vestiges of who I once was left, i.e. my uncomfortableness at being in large crowds and my love for the outdoors, but overall I am different. If you are here, you are about to witness my journey back to feeling and to a place of healing. I realize how hokey that sounds, but if you have ever suffered loss, then you understand.

My brother died by mental health issues. The amount of guilt, self-loathing and anger I feel, for both the world and myself, is all encompassing. Where I had hope, I am now left with feelings of loss and emptiness. I am surrounded by an abundance of love and support, however it is but a small salve for a gaping wound.

My initial intentions for this blog were to really highlight hiking, exploration and adventure, and while that will still be a large part of what I post, the purpose behind it all is different. I will also likely include things that I find help me during this process, whatever those things may be. I place on myself no limitations and have no expectations.

While I myself do not suffer from mental health issues, I can at least empathize with those to care for, or try to care for, those with mental health issues. I hope that I can help those struggling to keep them selves, and others afloat, with words of kindness and understanding.

With that I sign off,

MC

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